The Alcoholic - 6

"I won't bore you with the long version," he began. "I used to have a life. A good job, a family, dreams. Everything seemed to be falling into place for me and I never saw what was coming. I liked to drink, but it seemed to me that most everybody else did too and I wasn't much different than them. Sure, I drank a little more often and a little bit more than most of the people I knew, but I didn't understand what it would become.

"I think the trouble began when my wife asked me to cut back and I found that I didn't want to do that. I told myself that I could quit any time I wanted, but now wasn't the time. She didn't understand the pressures I was under at work. She didn't know about the worst of the memories of my time in the service that haunted me. Drinking helped keep me sane, took the edge off the stress I was feeling. So I took most of my drinking underground. I wanted her off my back but I still wanted to drink my way. I know now that I was only fooling myself. It wasn't about relieving stress. I liked the feeling that drinking gave me. I liked getting drunk.

"My wife was suspicious of course, and that began the cycle of fights and attempts at reconciliation. I would try to quit and found that I couldn't. The shame was too much and I would again try to keep my drinking secret. When I lost my job due to my drinking, I stopped drinking for about a week but I couldn't hold on. I was so depressed and I hated everything about myself. I drank. That's when my wife and daughter took off. I miss them but in a way I'm glad they left because I was so terribly tired of the emotional pain I was causing them. Now I can't hurt them anymore."

"How long ago was that?" She asked.

"I don't know. The days have been running together lately. Probably a few months. I lost my house several weeks ago and have been on the street ever since."

"Don't you have any friends or family that can help you?"

"I ran off all my friends long ago and I don't have any family besides my wife and daughter."

She think she knew what he meant. She recalled the painful years of her father's drinking. His deceptive living, broken promises, isolating behavior and complete narssicism that eventually drove away everybody in his life who cared about him. But the last ten years of his life had been wonderful. He'd finally found an answer to his drinking problem.

"You're not alone you know. There are many people with your problem and there is help available for you."

He looked down into his now empty glass and said nothing. He wanted another drink but couldn't muster the courage to ask her for more. At least his tremors were gone for the moment. Alcohol was no longer his friend and he didn't derive any pleasure from it. There was no feeling of drunkenness or escape from problems. The only thing drinking did for him today was to temporarily push back the horrible symptoms of physical withdrawal. When he drank enough, he could slip into a black sleep for several hours. It was the only peace left for him.

"I'm beyond help. I just want to--" He stopped himself from finishing, but she knew what he was going to say. "What about you?" He asked. "How'd you get mixed up with that psychopath?" He wasn't sure he really cared to know, but he didn't want her to leave him just yet. It had been weeks since he'd had any conversation with somebody. He usually just wanted to be alone with his misery, but not today. There was something appealing about this young woman and he was curious how she had gotten herself into such a situation.